I wondered if he was OK.
I wondered if he had any interest in ever doing-over our do-over’d friendship of over 18 years.
I pondered mailing him. Snail mail takes too long (for a reply). Phones are too “in your face”. Dropping in was out of the question. Email seemed a good way to hit a button and know that you were screwed in a nanosecond.
I pondered what to write and in what manner.
I pondered whether or not to hit SEND
I did.
I threw caution to the wind and it made me want to throw up a little in my mouth.
I waited.
I went to the gym to forget about what I just did by doing a tortuous calorie (ass)-burning workout. But all I wanted was a reply…and an entire chocolate cake.
I wondered if now was a good time to start smoking
Well, Sh#% fire and save matches…I got a reply.
Stunning. Agonizing. Awkward. Painful. Tense. Overdue. Heartfelt. Moving. Tangible. Familiar. Comfortable. Friend.
Then I sat there and wondered again.
Wondered if he was as shocked as I was. Wondering why his words seemed so empty as a life gone dark and jaded. Wondering how he mustered the strength. Wondering how we’ve come so far and be like this. Wondering how after all these years our cages still get rattled. Wondering if we will be OK.
Wondering if he’s still pacing back and forth in his apartment, cursing at me thru the computer, saying, “why now?!” Wondering if he’s holding a conversation to me (while still pacing) that he will never type or send to me.
So, I sit here wondering what the next thing to wonder about will be.
“From wonder into wonder existence opens” Lao Tzu
24 January 2008
18 January 2008
But to be Full of Mirth
Laugh: Synonymous with amusement, cachinnation, cackle, chortle, chuckle, crack-up, crow, fit, gesture, giggle, glee, guffaw, har-de-har, hilarity, howling, laugh, merriment, mirth, peal, rejoicing, roar, roaring, shout, shriek, snicker, snigger, snort, snorting, sound, tehee, titter, tittering, yuck. Meaning of inner quality, mood, disposition suggestive of laughter-an expression or appearance of amusement or merriment.
Would we be human if we couldn't laugh? Would we truly be alive (and not just figuratively speaking?)
We've already been educated regarding the health benefits of laughter, but do we truly understand the depth of a guffaw?
"Life's weird, isn't it? Like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes when no one else does." - written to me recently in an email from a longtime friend...
The reply was, simply, "We were built to laugh at ourselves. If we didnt laugh at our own jokes the silence would swallow us whole....Its what keeps us moving forward. ...until....Until that one person laughs with us even if for only a chuckle. "
It is a life-force. Not just for vitals, but for human contact. If you could narrow people into groups, sense of humor would dictate. Type A people rarely have the same humor as B....or even AB.
It also dictates attraction. I know that, for me, if you cant laugh, you cant hang. There is absolutely no reason for me to engage in life with you if you dont find fart jokes, poo jokes, silly and sick things, situations, (and yourself) funny. Period.
It is a common bond in an uncommon world. When two people have seemingly no other earthly similarities...it is the noise from behind the smile. A laugh. Words get jumbled. Expressions are not reliable. Laugter is direct. Laughter is true.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Its a bit like a drug. People go to the gym for it....not PiYo or Nia...Laughing. And it works. People gotta have it.
But what happens when there is no laughter? What happens to the essence of the soul. Do you have a soul? Consider the antonym.....GLOOM. DISPAIR. Who wants to live there? Plenty do, but I wonder about the quality of their lives...or lack there of.
There are far too many things in this life and this world that cause dispair or are gloomy, but the person that can find the humor (aside from the irony) is truly blessed. If you cannot laugh you will do nothing but cry. Life, in essence, would cease to exist.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
Would we be human if we couldn't laugh? Would we truly be alive (and not just figuratively speaking?)
We've already been educated regarding the health benefits of laughter, but do we truly understand the depth of a guffaw?
"Life's weird, isn't it? Like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes when no one else does." - written to me recently in an email from a longtime friend...
The reply was, simply, "We were built to laugh at ourselves. If we didnt laugh at our own jokes the silence would swallow us whole....Its what keeps us moving forward. ...until....Until that one person laughs with us even if for only a chuckle. "
It is a life-force. Not just for vitals, but for human contact. If you could narrow people into groups, sense of humor would dictate. Type A people rarely have the same humor as B....or even AB.
It also dictates attraction. I know that, for me, if you cant laugh, you cant hang. There is absolutely no reason for me to engage in life with you if you dont find fart jokes, poo jokes, silly and sick things, situations, (and yourself) funny. Period.
It is a common bond in an uncommon world. When two people have seemingly no other earthly similarities...it is the noise from behind the smile. A laugh. Words get jumbled. Expressions are not reliable. Laugter is direct. Laughter is true.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Its a bit like a drug. People go to the gym for it....not PiYo or Nia...Laughing. And it works. People gotta have it.
But what happens when there is no laughter? What happens to the essence of the soul. Do you have a soul? Consider the antonym.....GLOOM. DISPAIR. Who wants to live there? Plenty do, but I wonder about the quality of their lives...or lack there of.
There are far too many things in this life and this world that cause dispair or are gloomy, but the person that can find the humor (aside from the irony) is truly blessed. If you cannot laugh you will do nothing but cry. Life, in essence, would cease to exist.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
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