There I stood. The sun was at four o'clock on the mid-spring day. The view was breathtaking. The rush of wind coming off the ridges was rejuvinating and fresh as it blew through my hair and senses.
I had watched the two red-tails dance on the wind with a passionate eye, sharp ear and uncaged heart for months. Nothing else seemed so relevant. Every day I would move closer to the edge-progressing slowly through the grassy field.
Finally, I arrived. I statyed there for hours, days even, to watch my friends. I understood them. I knew them. I felt what they felt and would speak to them as they spoke to me.
On the last day, I walked to the edge. Suddenly, a gust of wind moved through me. My body released. Without looking back, I stepped off the edge and out of my body as an unbound soul.
I felt the warm evening sun on my feathers as I spanned them fully. I was now free.
28 June 2008
11 June 2008
SCHOOLGIRL ELEPHANTS
Ok, so...let's talk about my recent regression to, say, oh....ten years old. Maybe ten. Probably closer to seven. This statement is a classic precursor to the next statement that indicates that, yes, there was a bit of alcohol involved.
It was so blazing hot yesterday. 97 degrees in the shade with 89% humidity. Sticky hot. Noone likes sticky hot or the movie would have been called "Sticky Hot American Summer" and it probably would have Lindsay Lohan in it. Anyhoo, back to me. It was so hot that my sweat had sweat. Gross. In review of current situation, it seemed that there was an unspoken mandatory clause that read, "Last Day of School for Kids....Get in on Public Pool Now". So, I obeyed. My tanned and shaven freind Christopher escorted me to the Pool -o-Redneck-a-rama where, for the bargain price of $4 per person you, too, could enjoy 15 minutes of each hour in Adult Swim Only.
After an underwater race or two, one Red Slushee paradise, seven rounds of playing "fashion police", 3 flesh removing hours in the sun, and a 7.5 minute cat nap I was feeling a bit, um, how do you say....TIRED. So, I figured it to be an early night consisting of pajamas, perhaps a round or two with the guitar, and a piece of pillow around, say, 9pm.
Well, due to a temporary lapse in reason, I accepted an offer for beer time at Sarah's house. After all, how could I say no to seeing her new deck (and the new hot guy that built the deck)? She already had her beer-on, so I packed a few and drove the lengthy 1/2 mile to her house.
Rick was soon to arrive with beer as well. Now, in my weakened condition (no food, little water, and heaps of UVB) I was feeling a bit "strange" after one beer. So I had another. Rick was already well on his way to beerdom and possibly flirting with the deck guy (lets call him Eric) FOR Sarah.
An interruption in deck-making forced us (me, Sarah, and Rick) to go to someone elses house to drink their booze. So, after 2 shots of Jager Ny-Quil Meister and two pints of whateverthehellthatwasyummywhoamireally we went back to Sarah's so she could potentially maybe sorta really hit on Eric (aka Deck Guy). It was not too long after (9:15pm) that I realized that I had the spins -with my eyes open-and was, for all intents and purposes....a wee inebriated. I decided to leave the party in search of something to stuff my face with. POTATO CHIPS. I grabbed the bag, stumbled to Sarah's room, laid down on the bed and proceeded to giggle uncontrollably whilst eating potato chips. Rick was soon to follow which left Sarah and Eric outside (mission accomplished?) and me and Rick on the bed giggling with potato chips and crumbs everywhere.
Just when I thought I couldn't regress pass high school.....I found a jar of peanuts.
Large...unsalted...PEANUTS. "Do you realize what we could do?" The implications were staggering (or was that just me). Instead of trying to carb-up, we decided that the peanuts would be better left as AMMO!!
I put on my imaginary cammo gear and smeared some invisible schmutz on my face (Oh, yeah...I put some on Rick, too) and proceeded to Hail Storm two unsuspecting victims on the back porch. We went to this side of the house, snuck up on the other side of the house (where we got busted full on)......all the while trying to be as quiet as a pack of elephants, who, apparently can giggle like schoolgirls. But there HAD to be a better way. What better way to act like an ass than to get up on the roof?! But how? Logistically, my flip flops were not going to propel me to greater heights and better strategic peanut location. Rick was quick to be drunkbrilliant. "Lets use my truck!" So, the truck was strategically located on top of a flower bed right next to the rooftop. Who would ever guess where we were going? (never mind the starting of the engine and a large displaced vehicle with a door still open.) We clamored up the truck to the roof up and over to the other side. There we were like a couple of hens perched on the rooftop -still giggling....and running out of ammo. Peanut by peanut we forced them out of their protective hiding and coaxed them into looking for us. Not before we witnessed two shadows co-mingling. YES! The first kiss! Our "Hail-O 3" assault had worked! Finally, we got busted. Go fig, it was the truck that gave us away. It was midnight and I had to work the next day. But all was well in the world of Sarah and Eric the deck guy.
Who knew that peanut tossing would end up in making out? Sweet. I wonder what happens when you throw Almonds?
It was so blazing hot yesterday. 97 degrees in the shade with 89% humidity. Sticky hot. Noone likes sticky hot or the movie would have been called "Sticky Hot American Summer" and it probably would have Lindsay Lohan in it. Anyhoo, back to me. It was so hot that my sweat had sweat. Gross. In review of current situation, it seemed that there was an unspoken mandatory clause that read, "Last Day of School for Kids....Get in on Public Pool Now". So, I obeyed. My tanned and shaven freind Christopher escorted me to the Pool -o-Redneck-a-rama where, for the bargain price of $4 per person you, too, could enjoy 15 minutes of each hour in Adult Swim Only.
After an underwater race or two, one Red Slushee paradise, seven rounds of playing "fashion police", 3 flesh removing hours in the sun, and a 7.5 minute cat nap I was feeling a bit, um, how do you say....TIRED. So, I figured it to be an early night consisting of pajamas, perhaps a round or two with the guitar, and a piece of pillow around, say, 9pm.
Well, due to a temporary lapse in reason, I accepted an offer for beer time at Sarah's house. After all, how could I say no to seeing her new deck (and the new hot guy that built the deck)? She already had her beer-on, so I packed a few and drove the lengthy 1/2 mile to her house.
Rick was soon to arrive with beer as well. Now, in my weakened condition (no food, little water, and heaps of UVB) I was feeling a bit "strange" after one beer. So I had another. Rick was already well on his way to beerdom and possibly flirting with the deck guy (lets call him Eric) FOR Sarah.
An interruption in deck-making forced us (me, Sarah, and Rick) to go to someone elses house to drink their booze. So, after 2 shots of Jager Ny-Quil Meister and two pints of whateverthehellthatwasyummywhoamireally we went back to Sarah's so she could potentially maybe sorta really hit on Eric (aka Deck Guy). It was not too long after (9:15pm) that I realized that I had the spins -with my eyes open-and was, for all intents and purposes....a wee inebriated. I decided to leave the party in search of something to stuff my face with. POTATO CHIPS. I grabbed the bag, stumbled to Sarah's room, laid down on the bed and proceeded to giggle uncontrollably whilst eating potato chips. Rick was soon to follow which left Sarah and Eric outside (mission accomplished?) and me and Rick on the bed giggling with potato chips and crumbs everywhere.
Just when I thought I couldn't regress pass high school.....I found a jar of peanuts.
Large...unsalted...PEANUTS. "Do you realize what we could do?" The implications were staggering (or was that just me). Instead of trying to carb-up, we decided that the peanuts would be better left as AMMO!!
I put on my imaginary cammo gear and smeared some invisible schmutz on my face (Oh, yeah...I put some on Rick, too) and proceeded to Hail Storm two unsuspecting victims on the back porch. We went to this side of the house, snuck up on the other side of the house (where we got busted full on)......all the while trying to be as quiet as a pack of elephants, who, apparently can giggle like schoolgirls. But there HAD to be a better way. What better way to act like an ass than to get up on the roof?! But how? Logistically, my flip flops were not going to propel me to greater heights and better strategic peanut location. Rick was quick to be drunkbrilliant. "Lets use my truck!" So, the truck was strategically located on top of a flower bed right next to the rooftop. Who would ever guess where we were going? (never mind the starting of the engine and a large displaced vehicle with a door still open.) We clamored up the truck to the roof up and over to the other side. There we were like a couple of hens perched on the rooftop -still giggling....and running out of ammo. Peanut by peanut we forced them out of their protective hiding and coaxed them into looking for us. Not before we witnessed two shadows co-mingling. YES! The first kiss! Our "Hail-O 3" assault had worked! Finally, we got busted. Go fig, it was the truck that gave us away. It was midnight and I had to work the next day. But all was well in the world of Sarah and Eric the deck guy.
Who knew that peanut tossing would end up in making out? Sweet. I wonder what happens when you throw Almonds?
19 March 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY....to me.
Well, it seems another year has gone by. What is it about being a kid that makes time seem like its crawling by? What is it about being an adult that makes it seem that you never have enough time? Sick, really.
I am now 33 years old and rather look forward to see what "rolling doubles" will bring. It did not start off so fantastic, though. "Let me explain...No, there is too much. Let me sum up."
My day started by waking up with enough time in the day to go back to sleep. I work the night shift, see, so I was already destined to be disgruntled. However, during my waking hours (between 11am and 2pm) to go to ASIANA for an all-you-can-eat buffet for FREE...that's right...FREE (screw you, Denny's) lunch (with my I.D., of course). I gorged myself into a food coma and drifted off to sleep - as a beached whale does- for the next few hours.
Waking up was a completely different misery. What time is it? Where am I? What time is it? Is it day? Who am I. Shut up, where's the coffee? So, after 3.5 cups of coffee, I felt more apt to tackle my next obstacle - getting dressed. I donned my scrubs with cat hair on them, slapped on some make-up in hopes to hide the pillow face that I had, and trudged out the door. It was now 6:30pm. More than half my birthday has been spent in bed. Swell.
I arrived at work at 7:30pm and didn't feel like telling anyone it was my birthday. I held out for a whole hour. I was provoked to anger (as I usually am at work) and exclaimed, "Why would it be any different today!? Happy FREAKIN' birthday to ME!" So, somehow the cat was out of the bag. A few people remembered, actually. They gave me a card and a cheesecake. There was also some Tylenol to cure the sugar and caffeine crash that would occur later. Too bad it didn't cure the stupid people I work with.
Midnight came and went. I had missed my own birthday. But what does it matter anyway? It's just a day, right? An uneventful, usual, mundane day.
WHATEVER. Everyone else was working, too, so there would be no outing. Thursday came and went. Friday morning arrived and my shifts were done. I had a friend coming for the weekend and all of us were to go out on Satufday and celebrate the menagerie of birthdays that were around the same time.
Saturday. Lazy. Bored. Rainy. I went out to dinner and agreed to meet people after for drinks. Noone was returning my calls...except Sarah who was to be waiting for me at my house. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but no one else was returning my calls. As I waddle in the door from stuffing myself like an Ogre at dinner - unmotivated to go to Hannah's and smell like smoke and fries - I am greeted by Sarah and Kelly who inform me that my cat's have left a "present on my bed".
SON OF A..."Are you serious? That's perfect. Perfect.", as I take off my 4 inch heels getting ready for a rumble, "Im gonna kick some furry ass!" As I stomp to my room to scope the damage, I open the door slowly to try to catch them in the act. As the door opens, I see bed and someone who just jumped out and said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". Still concerned with cat crap, it didn't click right away. Suddenly there's 20 people in my bedroom yelling and screaming. Beer is flying everywhere (great), balloons are popping, there's a kid screaming from the excitement...and then there's me.... I think I sharted. No, not really, but I could have. Stunned I was. Amazed that it could be pulled off. My friends admitted to not calling due to an inability to lie (on the short term). There it was. My first surprise party. EVER. With much appreciation, it will go down in the HISTORY OF RAD in my life. Thanks, guys.
I am now 33 years old and rather look forward to see what "rolling doubles" will bring. It did not start off so fantastic, though. "Let me explain...No, there is too much. Let me sum up."
My day started by waking up with enough time in the day to go back to sleep. I work the night shift, see, so I was already destined to be disgruntled. However, during my waking hours (between 11am and 2pm) to go to ASIANA for an all-you-can-eat buffet for FREE...that's right...FREE (screw you, Denny's) lunch (with my I.D., of course). I gorged myself into a food coma and drifted off to sleep - as a beached whale does- for the next few hours.
Waking up was a completely different misery. What time is it? Where am I? What time is it? Is it day? Who am I. Shut up, where's the coffee? So, after 3.5 cups of coffee, I felt more apt to tackle my next obstacle - getting dressed. I donned my scrubs with cat hair on them, slapped on some make-up in hopes to hide the pillow face that I had, and trudged out the door. It was now 6:30pm. More than half my birthday has been spent in bed. Swell.
I arrived at work at 7:30pm and didn't feel like telling anyone it was my birthday. I held out for a whole hour. I was provoked to anger (as I usually am at work) and exclaimed, "Why would it be any different today!? Happy FREAKIN' birthday to ME!" So, somehow the cat was out of the bag. A few people remembered, actually. They gave me a card and a cheesecake. There was also some Tylenol to cure the sugar and caffeine crash that would occur later. Too bad it didn't cure the stupid people I work with.
Midnight came and went. I had missed my own birthday. But what does it matter anyway? It's just a day, right? An uneventful, usual, mundane day.
WHATEVER. Everyone else was working, too, so there would be no outing. Thursday came and went. Friday morning arrived and my shifts were done. I had a friend coming for the weekend and all of us were to go out on Satufday and celebrate the menagerie of birthdays that were around the same time.
Saturday. Lazy. Bored. Rainy. I went out to dinner and agreed to meet people after for drinks. Noone was returning my calls...except Sarah who was to be waiting for me at my house. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but no one else was returning my calls. As I waddle in the door from stuffing myself like an Ogre at dinner - unmotivated to go to Hannah's and smell like smoke and fries - I am greeted by Sarah and Kelly who inform me that my cat's have left a "present on my bed".
SON OF A..."Are you serious? That's perfect. Perfect.", as I take off my 4 inch heels getting ready for a rumble, "Im gonna kick some furry ass!" As I stomp to my room to scope the damage, I open the door slowly to try to catch them in the act. As the door opens, I see bed and someone who just jumped out and said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". Still concerned with cat crap, it didn't click right away. Suddenly there's 20 people in my bedroom yelling and screaming. Beer is flying everywhere (great), balloons are popping, there's a kid screaming from the excitement...and then there's me.... I think I sharted. No, not really, but I could have. Stunned I was. Amazed that it could be pulled off. My friends admitted to not calling due to an inability to lie (on the short term). There it was. My first surprise party. EVER. With much appreciation, it will go down in the HISTORY OF RAD in my life. Thanks, guys.
24 January 2008
Ponderings....on Reconciliations
I wondered if he was OK.
I wondered if he had any interest in ever doing-over our do-over’d friendship of over 18 years.
I pondered mailing him. Snail mail takes too long (for a reply). Phones are too “in your face”. Dropping in was out of the question. Email seemed a good way to hit a button and know that you were screwed in a nanosecond.
I pondered what to write and in what manner.
I pondered whether or not to hit SEND
I did.
I threw caution to the wind and it made me want to throw up a little in my mouth.
I waited.
I went to the gym to forget about what I just did by doing a tortuous calorie (ass)-burning workout. But all I wanted was a reply…and an entire chocolate cake.
I wondered if now was a good time to start smoking
Well, Sh#% fire and save matches…I got a reply.
Stunning. Agonizing. Awkward. Painful. Tense. Overdue. Heartfelt. Moving. Tangible. Familiar. Comfortable. Friend.
Then I sat there and wondered again.
Wondered if he was as shocked as I was. Wondering why his words seemed so empty as a life gone dark and jaded. Wondering how he mustered the strength. Wondering how we’ve come so far and be like this. Wondering how after all these years our cages still get rattled. Wondering if we will be OK.
Wondering if he’s still pacing back and forth in his apartment, cursing at me thru the computer, saying, “why now?!” Wondering if he’s holding a conversation to me (while still pacing) that he will never type or send to me.
So, I sit here wondering what the next thing to wonder about will be.
“From wonder into wonder existence opens” Lao Tzu
I wondered if he had any interest in ever doing-over our do-over’d friendship of over 18 years.
I pondered mailing him. Snail mail takes too long (for a reply). Phones are too “in your face”. Dropping in was out of the question. Email seemed a good way to hit a button and know that you were screwed in a nanosecond.
I pondered what to write and in what manner.
I pondered whether or not to hit SEND
I did.
I threw caution to the wind and it made me want to throw up a little in my mouth.
I waited.
I went to the gym to forget about what I just did by doing a tortuous calorie (ass)-burning workout. But all I wanted was a reply…and an entire chocolate cake.
I wondered if now was a good time to start smoking
Well, Sh#% fire and save matches…I got a reply.
Stunning. Agonizing. Awkward. Painful. Tense. Overdue. Heartfelt. Moving. Tangible. Familiar. Comfortable. Friend.
Then I sat there and wondered again.
Wondered if he was as shocked as I was. Wondering why his words seemed so empty as a life gone dark and jaded. Wondering how he mustered the strength. Wondering how we’ve come so far and be like this. Wondering how after all these years our cages still get rattled. Wondering if we will be OK.
Wondering if he’s still pacing back and forth in his apartment, cursing at me thru the computer, saying, “why now?!” Wondering if he’s holding a conversation to me (while still pacing) that he will never type or send to me.
So, I sit here wondering what the next thing to wonder about will be.
“From wonder into wonder existence opens” Lao Tzu
18 January 2008
But to be Full of Mirth
Laugh: Synonymous with amusement, cachinnation, cackle, chortle, chuckle, crack-up, crow, fit, gesture, giggle, glee, guffaw, har-de-har, hilarity, howling, laugh, merriment, mirth, peal, rejoicing, roar, roaring, shout, shriek, snicker, snigger, snort, snorting, sound, tehee, titter, tittering, yuck. Meaning of inner quality, mood, disposition suggestive of laughter-an expression or appearance of amusement or merriment.
Would we be human if we couldn't laugh? Would we truly be alive (and not just figuratively speaking?)
We've already been educated regarding the health benefits of laughter, but do we truly understand the depth of a guffaw?
"Life's weird, isn't it? Like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes when no one else does." - written to me recently in an email from a longtime friend...
The reply was, simply, "We were built to laugh at ourselves. If we didnt laugh at our own jokes the silence would swallow us whole....Its what keeps us moving forward. ...until....Until that one person laughs with us even if for only a chuckle. "
It is a life-force. Not just for vitals, but for human contact. If you could narrow people into groups, sense of humor would dictate. Type A people rarely have the same humor as B....or even AB.
It also dictates attraction. I know that, for me, if you cant laugh, you cant hang. There is absolutely no reason for me to engage in life with you if you dont find fart jokes, poo jokes, silly and sick things, situations, (and yourself) funny. Period.
It is a common bond in an uncommon world. When two people have seemingly no other earthly similarities...it is the noise from behind the smile. A laugh. Words get jumbled. Expressions are not reliable. Laugter is direct. Laughter is true.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Its a bit like a drug. People go to the gym for it....not PiYo or Nia...Laughing. And it works. People gotta have it.
But what happens when there is no laughter? What happens to the essence of the soul. Do you have a soul? Consider the antonym.....GLOOM. DISPAIR. Who wants to live there? Plenty do, but I wonder about the quality of their lives...or lack there of.
There are far too many things in this life and this world that cause dispair or are gloomy, but the person that can find the humor (aside from the irony) is truly blessed. If you cannot laugh you will do nothing but cry. Life, in essence, would cease to exist.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
Would we be human if we couldn't laugh? Would we truly be alive (and not just figuratively speaking?)
We've already been educated regarding the health benefits of laughter, but do we truly understand the depth of a guffaw?
"Life's weird, isn't it? Like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes when no one else does." - written to me recently in an email from a longtime friend...
The reply was, simply, "We were built to laugh at ourselves. If we didnt laugh at our own jokes the silence would swallow us whole....Its what keeps us moving forward. ...until....Until that one person laughs with us even if for only a chuckle. "
It is a life-force. Not just for vitals, but for human contact. If you could narrow people into groups, sense of humor would dictate. Type A people rarely have the same humor as B....or even AB.
It also dictates attraction. I know that, for me, if you cant laugh, you cant hang. There is absolutely no reason for me to engage in life with you if you dont find fart jokes, poo jokes, silly and sick things, situations, (and yourself) funny. Period.
It is a common bond in an uncommon world. When two people have seemingly no other earthly similarities...it is the noise from behind the smile. A laugh. Words get jumbled. Expressions are not reliable. Laugter is direct. Laughter is true.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Its a bit like a drug. People go to the gym for it....not PiYo or Nia...Laughing. And it works. People gotta have it.
But what happens when there is no laughter? What happens to the essence of the soul. Do you have a soul? Consider the antonym.....GLOOM. DISPAIR. Who wants to live there? Plenty do, but I wonder about the quality of their lives...or lack there of.
There are far too many things in this life and this world that cause dispair or are gloomy, but the person that can find the humor (aside from the irony) is truly blessed. If you cannot laugh you will do nothing but cry. Life, in essence, would cease to exist.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
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